Wanted: a manager for 25 adorable childrenbaseball players who occasionally act like children
In Mary Poppins, the two Banks children put together a list of what they’re seeking in a perfect nanny: someone who is sweet and kind, never cross nor cruel, and who doesn’t smell of “barley water” (which seems to be less of a requirement and more a forced rhyme for “son and daughter”). The children, of course, are spoiled and greedy in their demands, but then rewarded with the perfect nanny anyway, because apparently they are Dodger fans. For those of us who live in the real world, we can’t just draw up a list of ideal characteristics and hope to find someone who hits every one – certainly no one who’s ever swiped through a dating app would tell you that – but there are some traits at the top of our list for the next Mariners manager. Here’s what’s most important to the members of the LL staff:
Kate: A clear communicator who takes initiative
So many of the 2026 Mariners’ many, many problems came down to miscommunications. The way the piggyback was handled is the most obvious example, causing sturm und drang amongst all the starting staff. There was the clubhouse leadership vacuum when Cal Raleigh and Brendan Donovan were both sidelined for parts (or all) of the season, and Luis Castillo was traded. Players spoke postseason about waiting for something to happen, rather than taking initiative themselves. In John Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences, interpersonal or emotional intelligence is often coded as a “female” trait, which is part of why I think it’s often lacking in professional sports environments – not that I think there aren’t tons of people with strong emotional intelligence quotients working in sports, just that those voices aren’t always at the forefront. Last I checked, the Ivy League and their counterparts didn’t have an emotional intelligence module.
I want a manager who understands people – how to regulate bigger and brasher personalities, how to draw out quieter voices, how to empower people to lead, how to make everyone feel safe and seen – and how to get their people to be the best versions of themselves. Usually that means pushing someone into a space they’re not ready for, and dealing with the pushback from that. It can mean deputizing by force leaders who might otherwise stand on the sidelines, or changing a role for someone to make a better fit. It feels counterintuitive, but a lot of times good leadership means making people feel momentary discomfort in order to eventually settle into their best selves. I want someone who is unafraid to make those hard changes to make those things happen, but who is a skilled enough communicator to be able to make the affected parties feel like not only is the change for the best, but it is in their best interest.
Isabelle: Waiter, there’s a pop fly in my soup
The perfect manager hails from a small, unobtrusive state not traditionally associated with baseball but which has birthed two Hall of Famers. As a player, he will have experienced historichighs and been felled by his own body. He will have garnered respect beyond his playing career from some of the most recognizable leaders in the game, will have proven success as a big league manager and a compelling, daddyish air. He will have played for a beloved franchise legend, whom he credits for shaping his managerial style, and he will like horses. Most importantly, the perfect manager has a sense of humor, and can roll with the nonsense that comes from being in charge of a clubhouse of quasi adults.
(In all seriousness, I maintain that managers are like waiters: You only notice if they make magic happen for your meal or if they make a total mess of things, and otherwise you’re more likely to remember the food than you are the service, and that’s how I’d like to take in my baseball. But Kate doesn’t want Rocco, and she’s wrong for that.)
[Ed. note: with apologies to Isabelle, Kate will not have the opportunity to find out how wrong she was, as Baldelli reportedly removed his name from consideration]
Eric: First name Joey, last name Votto
Joey, hear me out. You’ll love Seattle. It’s right next to Canada so you’ll never be too far from the homeland. We have great food. Some of the best sushi and seafood in the country and an array of fine dining options that rival San Francisco and Los Angeles. We have art. We have music of all kinds EVERYWHERE you go. Seattle folks are CHILL. No one will bother you here. If they happen to recognize you, the most you’ll get is a head nod or “go Mariners” maybe. You can be yourself. You’ll thrive here in spite of being here to manage the most cosmically cursed baseball franchise in MLB. It’s okay, no one here expects you to be a miracle worker. Just do your best to make the team entertaining, keep the players loose and happy, and competitive throughout the season and hang in playoff contention as long as possible. A playoff birth is pure gravy, but not expected. You’ve been killing it on MLB TV spots, so just keep dropping analysis and insights like that in your pre and post game interviews and all the most online Mariners fans will love you forever. Do not listen to sports radio. Ever. Okay, good talk, see you at T-Mobile Park.
John: Tempest in a Seapot
The role of manager in Major League Baseball has transformed dramatically in recent decades. Once seen as the field general, the fiery leader tactically utilizing their roster to outfox and maneuver past their opponents. The last two and a half decades have been an all-out bombardment on this role, ceding centrality up the organizational chain to the general manager, president of baseball operations, or whatever other title bloat takes place. In this world, the manager is less a centerpiece to the team’s style or productivity, and instead a particularly important sheepdog. But baseball is meant to entertain, and bring joy, which comes in many forms. I would like a manager with excellent player management skills, of course, as well as an understanding of development and bullpen maintenance. But the manager is also capable of something more heartening: being an avatar for fan and player sentiment. Get out there and hurl some bags, hoot and holler on your team’s behalf. Huff and puff like the big, bad seawolf. That doesn’t mean just popping off constantly, but being willing to speak frankly and intentionally in public and in private in the way Brewers manager Pat Murphy has demonstrated the capacity for, allowing for one of the most analytical front offices in the league to credibly deliver its guidance with a hand at the helm that earns trust above and below through talk and action.
Ezra: Someone with experience both as a player and on the bench
Dan Wilson’s lack of experience created a perfect cocktail of failure for the 2026 Mariners. The team started out slow and stumbled at every opportunity to turn it around. I think a key part of that was that Wilson was still getting his feet wet as a manager; every mistake or stumbling block was the first time he’d faced that barrier. Even with a capable and experienced coaching staff, an inexperienced leader will have a difficult time managing these situations well, and often for the first time as a manager. What worked for him as a player may not work for the current Mariners team, or it may not be communicated in a way that lets the players use it. The Mariners need a manager with experience in tough situations, big-game situations, and the playoffs. Someone who’s there to lead the team and clubhouse, not just babysit the player personalities and allow the analytics guys to make the calls, but someone who will make the tough decisions when the situation on the field calls for it. If I had to suggest someone, I think Kristopher Negrón would be a great choice to lead this team.
Ryan: Macho Men Need Not Apply
The ideal manager can convince players who are hurt that it’s OK to be hurt and go on the injured list instead of macho manning the season into the toilet. The ideal manager can convince players who are bad that it’s OK to be bad and change roles instead of macho manning the season into the toilet. The ideal manager can convince players that “rah rah we want to win” platitudes in Spring Training aren’t sufficient on their own but require selfless action throughout the season. The ideal manager agrees to split their salary with me because of this wisdom I’ve bestowed.
Nicky V: A true gentleman
The perfect manager is like the perfect boyfriend. He’s kind, smart, and warm. He’s likable and quickly impresses your parents, no matter how cold they were ready to be after the last guy you brought in. He’s good at answering direct questions; he doesn’t a) talk in circles until you forgot what you asked, or b) give the same boring platitude when you’re mad at him. All of your friends will not be talking behind your back about how long it will be until you dump him.
At this point, you probably don’t want someone you already have history with, especially if they’ve turned you down in the past. You also should avoid someone who was recently a player – find a grown adult who acts like one! It’s time to move on from your pool of old friends, exes and co-workers. A friend of a friend would be perfect, though – someone you haven’t met directly but that you can see has a good track record of dating successfully. If their exes still really like them? Even better.
James: Middle Manager, but like the cool kind
As many before me have said, the manager of an MLB team, in the modern interpretation of the role, functions as a middle manager. They serve to squeeze as much production as possible out of a roster as it is constructed, regardless of the financial restraints placed on the front office by ownership. How do they effectively accomplish this goal? For starters, they would manage the team the way it is designed to be managed; a square peg doesn’t fit into a round hole, and while you do want to consider different perspectives, the right candidate should match the overarching philosophy of your organization.
Further, the ideal manager for the Mariners in 2027 and beyond would serve as a liaison between the players and the upper management. Using years of experience (preferably having made similar data-driven decisions to those they would inevitably have to make in Seattle), they would work toward the goals set by the organization and communicate to the players how their managerial decisions could be beneficial for both the team and the individual(s). They wouldn’t throw their players into a new role and leave them to speak to reporters about it before a proper conversation ever took place.
Jokes aside, the ideal manager would lead with love and passion in their heart. As a player, you want a manager who will have your back in the face of adversity. Maybe that means they’ll wear their emotions on their sleeve, or even get thrown out of a game when one of their players is wronged. A manager needs to be someone their players want to go into battle for — someone who is direct, honest and accountable. Our world is filled with middle managers, but the best ones toe a fine line with a number of interests at play.