Elf on the Shelf Is About to Make Christmas at Our House a Nightmare. But Not for the Usual Reason.

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Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife, “Aubrey,” and I have two kids, “Jacob,” 3, and “Iris,” 6. Even though it’s not yet October, Iris is already excited about putting up the Elf on the Shelf in anticipation of Christmas.

The trouble is that once we told Jacob what the elf is all about, he freaked out at the prospect of it watching him and doesn’t want it around. Now Aubrey and I are caught in the middle, where Iris is going to be upset if the elf isn’t in his usual spot in the family room, while Jacob starts crying if he sees him. Any ideas for a solution?

—Elf Anxiety

Dear Elf Anxiety,

Helping multiple kids through the holidays can be tricky when they want and need different things. But this issue definitely feels workable. I know your daughter loves seeing the elf in the family room, but the whole point of the game is that you never know where the elf might appear, so use that as an opportunity and lean into it.

Think about new and creative places the elf can show up. If your kids don’t sleep in the same bedroom, that can be one fun place to surprise Iris. You can also find time in your kids’ schedules when they are apart and utilize that, too. They’re close in age but far enough to likely have some activities that they might do separately and at different times. For example, when your son is taking a bath, you and your wife can divide and conquer, with one parent with him and the other surprising Iris with the elf.

The most important thing to remember around the holidays is that there are no real rules. You can make up what this part of Christmas—and any other holiday you celebrate—looks like. And when it comes to moving an Elf on the Shelf around, I promise you that most parents are just making it up as they go along. It doesn’t take much! You only need a good 10 minutes to make it special.

—Arionne

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