The golden rules of airplane etiquette – because we have simply seen enough

It is my firm belief that everyone – no matter their age, gender, race, or Avios membership status – needs to learn proper airplane etiquette, and the earlier the better. As a freelance travel writer, I get on lots of flights to and from different parts of the world, and I’ve seen the same silly mistakes, rude behaviour, and even downright harmful stunts enacted by all types of travellers. But by that same token, I’ve also witnessed acts of generosity and helpfulness that all people universally appreciate.

So what, exactly, are the rules at 35,000 feet? To draft such a constitution, I tapped three of Condé Nast Traveller’s Top Travel Specialists who are experts in air travel, in addition to my own first-hand experience: Sophie Caulcutt, co-founder of The Voyager Club; Vikram Seshadri, co-founder of In Residence; and Paul Tumpowsky, chief revenue officer of Fora. And to get the real insider take on how we should behave in the air, I spoke with two working flight attendants: Rich Henderson, a flight attendant for a US-based airline and co-host of the podcast Two Guys on A Plane; and a US-based flight attendant and content creator (@lifeinlayovers on TikTok) named Liam.

In general, we agreed that there’s no environment where etiquette (or the lack thereof) matters more than when you’re sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with dozens of other seatbelt-strapped passengers inside a metal tube hurling through the skies. And while commercial air travel may not always be kind to us, we can choose to be part of the solution. As Tumpowsky of Fora pleads: “Perhaps we can look inside ourselves to make the overall travelling experience better for us and our fellow travellers.”

In the spirit of doing unto others as we would have them do unto us, below are the golden rules of airplane etiquette. Keep these principles and good habits in mind, and you’ll find that, even when everyone else around you is behaving badly, you’ll feel all the better for being a kind and considerate traveller. A true professional, some may even go so far to say.

Boarding last is chic (if you can)

Among travellers, especially those seated in economy, no one is dying to spend more time on the plane than they have to. So instead of crowding the gate – a rookie move that will earn you the unattractive nickname of “gate lice” – be patient and wait to board last. Your assigned seat will still be there at the end of boarding. (After all, a queen is never late. Everyone else is simply early.)

Jostling to get on board early to secure overhead bin space? The crew will almost always find a spot, even if it’s not directly above your seat; or they’ll check your bag into the hold at no extra cost. To mitigate the inconvenience, pack light and put together your “seat bag” so you have all your essentials (more on these points below).

Are you flying in business or first class? Fabulous. “Linger in the lounge, enjoy the restaurant, and board last,” says Seshadri of In Residence. “Your overhead bin space is dedicated and waiting for you.”

For parents travelling with kids, you might actually want to be among the last passengers to board. “Why spend an extra 30 or 40 minutes sitting on a plane with young children if you don’t have to?” Tumpowsky says. “But I completely understand why new parents, in particular, may want to board early to make sure they have enough storage within reach for everything they’ll need during a long flight.”

Pack your ‘seat bag’, and do it before boarding

Make your personal item count: Before getting on the plane, prepare a ‘seat bag’ that contains all your in-flight must-haves and keep it close to you in your seat. For me, that’s usually my bum bag with my passport, boarding pass, phone, AirPods, eye mask, lip balm, hand cream, phone charger, and battery pack. Maybe my Kindle or a copy of The New Yorker; a toothbrush and toothpaste for overnight flights. This will eliminate or reduce the need to rummage through the bag under the seat in front of you, or step out into the aisle to reach for your luggage in the overhead bins.

Turns out, doing this is also helpful for the people around you, according to Henderson of Two Guys on a Plane: “Boarding is basically a giant traffic jam, and one person standing in the aisle reorganising their entire suitcase can hold up a hundred people behind them. Have what you need for the flight ready before you board, find your seat, put your bag away, and step out of the aisle as quickly as possible.”

Board – and de-board – efficiently and graciously

First off, acknowledge the flight attendants when you board with eye contact, a smile, a quick hello. These are the people here to make sure you stay safe on the plane and everything goes smoothly, first and foremost. Be a good human and treat them with the dignity they deserve, and you’ll get the same treatment in kind. At the end of the flight, do the same thing and thank the crew.

Next, carry-on bags. People tend to overpack heavy carry-on bags because most US airlines do not weigh them, explains Liam of @lifeinlayovers, so boarding becomes even more hectic and slow when you can’t lift your own stuff into the overhead bins. Try to pack only what you can literally carry. Consider too your own physical abilities, height, and strength, and pack accordingly. And if you see someone struggling with putting away their carry-ons and you can help, do so. It helps everyone out, and makes the boarding process go more smoothly. The flight attendants will thank you. Speaking of: Note that many airlines discourage flight attendants from helping with your overhead luggage because of the risk of injury, says Henderson, so don’t expect that every FA can or will lend you a hand.

While we’re on the topic of overhead bins, Henderson says, “Please don’t put your small purse or jacket in the overhead bin when people are still looking for space for their actual suitcases.” Save putting them away in the overhead space until boarding is mostly complete; there will always be space on the plane for your stuff, Liam says.

As for de-boarding the plane, a few more best practices: Do not get into the aisle while the plane is still taxiing to the gate. Once the plane comes to a complete stop, that’s when de-boarding can begin. Wait for the rows in front of you to get up and head to the exit, rather than scrambling to snatch your items from the overhead bins and just crowding the aisle. As space opens up in the aisle, that’s when you stand up, get your bags, and exit.

It’s possible someone behind you will react exasperated, believing you should have gotten your stuff earlier – when there was no room to do so. If that happens, give them a smile (or a sly wink, if you’re feeling cheeky), and retrieve your luggage calmly, knowing that you’re in the right.

If you have a tight connection, inform a flight attendant

When you’re transiting and have limited time to get from Flight A to Flight B, kindly inform a flight attendant prior to landing. “I believe the appropriate protocol is to speak with a flight attendant rather than attempt to negotiate your way to the front of the aircraft,” Tumpowsky says. “The crew can assess just how tight your connection really is, determine whether special consideration is warranted, and, if appropriate, make an announcement asking other passengers to remain seated. That request carries considerably more authority coming from the flight crew than from a passenger who has decided that their connection is more important than everyone else’s.”

Caulcutt of The Voyager Club agrees, saying that the crew may even consider it essential to move your seat closer to the exit – or at least closer to the aisle – if your connection is extremely tight or if they anticipate a delayed arrival. When approaching the crew, Caulcutt says, “I often find that a trip to the galley, during boarding or shortly after, to politely explain the situation one-on-one works best.”

When someone asks you to swap seats, it’s OK to say no(!)

My seat, my choice! When we select our seats on a plane, especially when we pay to get assigned places or use status benefits to do so, we are well within our rights to keep it. Able-bodied spouses, families, and friends can reunite after the flight. You can politely and firmly refuse to swap. (Exercise caution if using the correct but risky phrase: “Your lack of planning is not my problem.”)

“But just apply common sense,” says Caulcutt. “You don't want to separate an elderly couple,” who may physically need each other for assistance, or “a mother from a weeping child.” Because did you really want to sit next to that wailing five year old anyway? Swap with the parent who can calm them down.

If you’re feeling chatty, read the room – or rather, the metal tube

Some of us love making friends wherever we go, but when you’re going to be stuck on a plane with hundreds of other people in a steel projectile hurtling through the air, the rules of social engagement get a touch more delicate. So what’s acceptable, and where do you draw the line?

“A brief conversation and a little cordiality are perfectly appropriate,” says Tumpowsky. It’s not a bad idea, though by no means required, to establish some rapport with those around you—but don’t force anything. “If your seatmate engages and the feeling is mutual, by all means, enjoy the conversation,” Tumpowsky continues. “But no one should feel obligated to continue a conversation longer than they're comfortable with. A polite exchange of pleasantries is not a binding commitment to discuss your respective life stories until the landing gear is employed.”

If you’re travelling with a friend or friends and you’re all prone to yapping, keep a few things in mind: “Keep the tone of the conversation low,” says Caulcutt. “People in planes tend to talk louder than they realise because of engine noise. Try to keep your voice at a level that your seatmate can hear comfortably but the rows around you can’t easily follow.” Try to keep topics light and disagreements to a minimum, she adds. If you get into a fight, you won’t have much room to put some distance between you on a plane.

And on night or red-eye flights, the lights in the cabin are usually dimmed and people are trying to sleep, Caulcutt says, so keep conversations to a whisper whenever possible. Otherwise, save them for later on the ground.

Speaking of: When babies cry, have some compassion

Be patient, and take deep breaths. “No one hates it more than the parents,” says Caulcutt.

Watch the safety demo – just to be nice, if nothing else

OK, well, it really is for our own safety in the air. As Henderson says, “I promise we flight attendants are not doing the safety demonstration for our own entertainment!” Do as advised and check where your nearest exits are; and see where the closest bathroom is, while you’re at it. Brush up on the brace position appropriate for the cabin you’re in. Enjoy the safety video, if there is one (the Philippine Airlines “Safetynovela,” depicted as a soap opera, is my current favourite). If the FAs are doing a live demo, give them your attention and a smile.

This is all the more important when you’re seated in an exit row. When the FAs check in with you about the responsibilities you have in the case of an emergency, answer truthfully regarding whether or not you're physically, mentally, or even spiritually able to carry out what needs to be done. This is the cost of the exit-row legroom. (Also, the exit-row legroom comes with the price of not being able to stow luggage in front of you, as there’s no seat to keep them under, so bear that in mind when picking your place on the plane.)

Fasten your seatbelt whenever you’re seated. Really

The fasten-your-seatbelt sign is not a suggestion. “Turbulence can happen without warning, even when the sky looks perfectly clear,” Henderson says. Liam explains that the flight deck turns on the sign when there's a forecast of bad weather up ahead, either from radar or aircraft ahead of the plane you’re on. So keep your belt fastened whenever you’re seated, Seshadri says, “even if loosely! You’ll never regret it.”

Go ahead and recline your seat, but don’t be a jerk about it

All our experts and FAs agree that reclining your seat is fair game. That’s what it’s there for. As Tumpowsky says, “Whether it’s the overhead light, window shade, or reclining, I generally believe you have the right to use the product as it was designed.” And everyone is also on the same page when it comes to mealtime: Don’t do it while the person behind you is eating. It’s just good manners.

“A little courtesy goes a long way,” Seshadri says. “Recline slowly, be mindful if the person behind you is using it — like working on a laptop — and put your seat upright when the crew asks, especially for takeoff and landing.” On a plane, as in life: Be considerate of others.

Go ahead and use the call button, but again, don’t be a jerk about it

This is another point on which all our experts were in agreement. The flight attendant call button is absolutely there to be used, especially if you need assistance, have a medical concern, or there’s something that requires a crew member’s attention—like if your phone fell into the cracks of the seat. (A very real concern! If the machinery ends up cracking your phone and the battery leaks, it could be a fire hazard.)

“But if the FAs are visibly in the middle of beverage service and you just want another soda, it’s usually easier to ask us when we reach your row,” Henderson says. And don’t use the button to summon them every five minutes for things that can wait. There are sometimes hundreds of other passengers and only a few of them. Liam says, “Staffing has decreased and cabins have expanded. Please be patient with us, especially when we’re busy with service or there’s turbulence.”

Give the middle armrests to the unlucky person in the middle seat

Again, among our experts, this is a universally acknowledged truth: “The middle seat passenger deserves both middle armrests,” Henderson says. After all, the window passenger gets the window, and the aisle passenger gets a little extra breathing room. “The poor person in the middle deserves something!” he says. (Liam agrees: “As someone who often gets the middle seat when flying standby on benefits, please, for the love of all things good, give me both middle armrests.”)

Shoes can come off. Socks stay on

“No bare feet on display ever!” Caulcutt says. And rightly so. You can remove your shoes, especially on long-haul flights; our feet do swell in flight. Keep your socks on (try compression socks); swiftly and discreetly swap into a fresh pair if you’ve lost the ability to smell yourself. Do not ever prop your feet up on the armrests, seatbacks, or tray tables. (Quick trick: Use your backpack or duffel bag, under the seat in front of you, as a foot rest.)

Henderson’s advice: “Never walk into an airplane bathroom barefoot or even just in socks. That mysterious liquid on the floor is probably not water.” And Seshadri’s: “Please never clip your toenails or file them on a flight!”

Do not take calls in-flight, and do wear headphones for music and movies

For better or worse, Wi-Fi connectivity is getting better on planes, meaning that what often used to be a relatively quiet airborne sanctuary is now another space in which the cacophony of modern life can invade. So, again, don’t be a jerk about it.

Our experts agree that headphones and earbuds are a must, whether you’re listening to music, watching a movie on your own device, or scrolling through Instagram Reels. Do not take your high-level meeting from 35,000 feet in the air. “Voice and video calls are usually prohibited by airline policy or regulations,” Henderson says. “An airplane is a shared space, not your personal living room or office.”

Expect these principles to be sticking points in the coming years. “High-bandwidth internet—and potentially the ability to make calls more easily in the air—is going to create the next battleground in flight etiquette,” Tumpowsky says. “Just because technology allows you to do something doesn’t necessarily mean 200 other passengers want you to do it.”

Related: Do not watch porn on the plane

Alas, from personal experience, it has to be said! And think about your surroundings when you’re watching a movie and there’s a graphic scene in the story, whether sexual or otherwise. Consider speeding through if there are, say, children around. That said, it’s really up to you—especially if the movie or show in question is offered through the in-flight entertainment system. I was once on a flight watching an episode of And Just Like That… and they got to the infamous Snapple scene in Carrie’s apartment and, well, I didn’t skip it since I was pretty much alone in the business class cabin.

Stretch responsibly

As long as you’re not doing a full-on downward dog in the aisle, Caulcutt says, stretching in the aisle is fine. Keep it quick and respectful. Do some standing spine twists, lymphatic taps, and gentle walking, then return to your seat. Don’t do it during meal service or when the FAs are working. If an FA tells you to return to your seat, don’t make a fuss and sit back down.

“We encourage passengers to get up and move around when it’s safe, especially on long flights, but the aisle is a workspace for flight attendants and an important pathway for everyone on board, especially in the event of an emergency where we must move quickly,” Henderson says. So don’t block the aisle, congregate around the bathrooms, or interfere with the crew doing their jobs. “A little stretching is one thing, but turning the plane into a yoga studio is another,” he says.

Yes, it’s OK to gently wake your neighbour when you need to go to the bathroom

There’s nothing wrong with politely waking someone if you need to get out of your row to reach the toilet. Just be considerate (there it is again, basic kindness). Liam says, “I’d hate to be woken up after I’ve just gotten comfortable; for me, that’s having an eye mask and headphones on. Watch out for those signs. But if you have to go, you have to go.” Wake someone up the way you’d want to be woken: Respectfully.

The flip side is that if someone in your row gets up to use the bathroom and disturbs you, it might be a good opportunity for you to go as well. “Think of it as airplane efficiency,” Tumpowsky says. “You may save everyone another round of climbing over one another later in the flight.”

By the way, do not get out of your seat by using the seat in front of you as a handle

Whether they physically need to or not, many people allow their intrusive thoughts to win and grab the top of the seat in front of them to pull themselves up. This is awful and rude. If you really need support, Tumpowsky says, “the proper etiquette is to use your own row of seats for support whenever possible. Pulling on the seat in front of you can jolt the person sitting there—and if they’re sleeping, you’ve just unnecessarily woken them up.”

In the bathroom, wipe down any spills and remember to flush the toilet

I was gonna say, “leave the bathroom the way you leave yours,” but the mileage may vary on that one. Keep the place tidy, wipe anything you made wet as a courtesy to the person who comes in after you, and dispose of any waste properly, as the laws of common decency intend. “Just because you don’t want to push down the flap to discard your trash doesn’t mean you can just start a pile of it on the ground or counter,” Liam says. “And for the love of aviation, wear shoes in there!” Henderson adds.

Forget everything you heard about dressing well for an upgrade

Maybe there was once a time, in a faraway land, when dressing nicely for a flight might have improved your chances of an upgrade. No longer. “Today, upgrades are much more likely to be determined by status, algorithms, bidding, or other systems, so I don’t think your wardrobe is moving you up the list,” Tumpowsky says. “Dress comfortably. Being comfortable will have a much bigger impact on your flight experience than looking like you belong in first class.”

Instead, dress well because you respect yourself

You can do so comfortably! May I interest you in a cashmere jogger set or a wrinkle-free traveling suit? Figure out a travel uniform that works for you—something comfortable that also makes you feel put-together. It’s a proven fact (by me, anecdotally) that looking good helps you feel good, like you can handle any travel hiccup like flight delays or lost baggage with dignity and grace. But hey if it’s not your literal style, no one says you have to.

Finally, be kind

“Always be polite to the plane crew,” Caulcutt says. Flight attendants aren’t responsible for the weather, delays, baggage fees, or most airline policies, so don’t take your frustrations out on the people who are there to keep you safe and comfortable to the best of their abilities.

Patience and kindness can go a long way, Henderson says, and Seshadri reminds everyone to extend that respect to the airport staff and your fellow passengers. Moving with respect and courtesy, he says, “will earn you not just a better flight but a good dose of karma and happiness too.”

Yes, cabins are getting stuffed with more seats, and those seats are getting smaller, while crew staffing keeps getting cut. And yet, even in the face of all this, on top of everything going on in our world, we get to travel. So it’s more important than ever to cultivate a sense of solidarity as travellers. As Liam puts it, “We’re truly all in this metal tube together.”

This story originally featured on cntraveler.com