Abu Dhabi: On some afternoons, a woman in the Al Ahbabi household would carry a cup of coffee or tea into the garden, sit down, and let her children play.
“Sometimes I would simply sit in the garden in the afternoon with a cup of coffee or tea and watch them play freely,” Maryam Al-Aryani said.
She was looking at who naturally leads the game? Who keeps going back to drawing? Who makes up stories? Who is drawn to nature or animals?
“Those were the moments when I really began to understand their personalities because they were simply being themselves, without feeling that anyone was watching or judging how well they were doing.”
There were six children in the house, and one of them was Ghaya. Today she is the youngest UNICEF Youth Advocate to have spoken at COP28, and many know her as “Green Ghaya”.
The connection to nature
Ghaya’s connection with nature did not begin with an environmental project, "it began through a way of life and simple family experiences," her mother said.
There were visits to the family's farm and out into the desert with her father.
“We never thought of these as ‘educational activities’ in the direct sense, they were family memories and experiences they shared with their father.”
And there were the summers, when her father “made a point of putting out water for birds” and “went to considerable effort to do so.” Ghaya would help him.
Nature become “something real and lived, rather than simply an idea she had read about in a book," she said.
The Green Buds Community
Maryam had given all her children many experiences, including cooking workshops, drawing, crafts, reading, sports, technology. She never expected any one of them to decide a future.
"I wanted them to build a broad base of experiences that would allow them to discover for themselves: ‘This feels like me. This does not.’”
With Ghaya, it was nature and animals, and a lot of f questions about the environment. “Over time, she went from being a child who loved nature to a child who began asking what she could do to protect it.” That led to initiatives that involved others, and eventually to the founding of the Green Buds community, which is a community where young members work on creating a sustainable environment and development.
Staying close and guiding
Ghaya’s interests appeared early. Her brother’s and sister’s took longer. Naila was drawn to stories, writing, photography and presenting. Hamad found his way to technology, coding and artificial intelligence, alongside sports.
She describes her role as staying “close enough to guide them, but far enough back for them to feel that the experience belongs to them.” She was a working mother, and some evenings she came home tired. It was not possible to do everything for six children, so each child learned to manage things on their own.
“When I tell my child, ‘This is your responsibility,’ I am not simply giving them a task, I am also sending them a message: ‘I trust that you can do this," she said.
Friends and relatives noticed the result. “People would often tell us, ‘Your children seem older than their age, I think one of the reasons is that we speak to them seriously and respectfully.”
Confidence, she has come to believe, cannot simply be handed over in praise. “Self-confidence is not built simply by repeatedly telling a child, ‘You’re amazing. You can do it, it is built when we give them a real opportunity to try, trust them enough to make mistakes and try again, and then allow them to discover for themselves that they are capable, she said.
And a child who is heard at home carries that into the world: “When a child discovers that their voice is heard inside their own home, they become more confident using that voice outside it too.”
Living with grandparents
At bedtime there were stories. “A story was never simply a way to help a child fall asleep; it was a time when we sat together, talked, asked questions and imagined.”
There were costumes and characters too, so the children could try on different roles and professions. “I loved the idea that their childhood could be a wide-open space for imagination before the world began telling them what they should become.”
The children’s grandparents lived with the family. Because Maryam worked, they became “a very real part of my children’s everyday lives from their earliest years.” The children listened to their stories and asked their questions. From it, Maryam said, they gained “stronger language, the ability to hold a conversation, a sense of belonging, respect for older generations and, most importantly, genuine memories and relationships within the family.”
Failure is not the opposite of success
Not every experience ended in a prize. “A child might try an activity and realise they do not enjoy it,” she says. “They might lose a competition they prepared for.”
At those moments, the first question at home is not why they did not win. “We ask: ‘What did you learn? What would you do differently next time? Would you like to try again?’” And a child’s place in the family never depends on the answer. “Our love and pride in them do not change because of a ranking, a prize or a result.”
“I want my children to understand that failure is not the opposite of success,” she said “Sometimes it is part of the journey towards it.”
Remembering the roots
Behind it all lies something older than any method. Maryam speaks of respect, generosity, humility, giving, responsibility and strong family bonds, values she learned from her own parents and grandparents, and which she traces to the legacy of Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan. “They were a way of life,” she said
She wants her children to be open to technology and the future, “without losing touch with their roots.” Her responsibility, she says, is “not only to raise successful children” but “to protect a chain of values.”
Her advice to other parents is simple. “Do not rush to discover the talent,” she said.
Take children to the library, the desert, the farm, the museum. Let them spend time with animals and nature. Let them read, build things, take things apart. “Then watch.”
“Sometimes children tell us who they are without saying a single word, simply through the things they keep returning to when we give them the freedom to choose.”