While watching season 3 of Netflix’s Nobody Wants This, I was struck with a thought that even hot rabbi Noah could not dissuade me from: No one should have to lose this much of herself for a man. This season, Joanne converts to Judaism, takes a step back from her podcast and her career, and gives up her dream wedding. Controversial take, but you should not have to do all that to be in a relationship.
Joanne embarks on her conversion courses this season at Noah’s former temple, Temple Chai. On the first day, she says she’s converting because she had an epiphany that she was “meant to be by a rabbi’s side.” Her deliberation over whether to convert to Judaism is a central theme of the series, so I’m not arguing that she shouldn’t be weighing this or pursuing it. But it’s a bit startling how quick she is to center Noah and his future in the decision. A relationship can certainly be a reason to explore a new faith, but the show consistently struggles to demonstrate Joanne’s motivations other than Noah.
She even asks Bina, Noah’s mom, to help her dress more like a rabbi’s wife in order to help him get the senior rabbi job at the temple. Her tweed skirt suit looks like a costume on her, which is the joke the show is trying to make, but it’s still a bit depressing she felt compelled to do it in the first place. Noah doesn’t ask her to, but the scene suggests Joanne is already trying to present herself in a way that will be more palatable (although it’s worth noting it’s her and Bina’s perception of what will be palatable, not something people are saying directly to her). That’s not a great place to begin a relationship, even a fictional one. By the end of the season, Joanne does make some progress recentering herself in her own conversion story, but it’s still not enough to convince me.
It’s possible the reason this sits so uncomfortably is because Joanne doesn’t seem to have much else going on in her life other than Noah. She seems noncommittal about the podcast she created with her sister. In episode 2, she walks out before recording an episode because she needs advice before going to Temple Chai for Rosh Hashanah services. (Remember season 1, when her first date with Noah included a quest for a sex toy for the podcast? That was dedication! That was fun!) Later, she admits to being jealous of Morgan’s solo success because she always thought of herself as the star of the pod. The star of the podcast does not walk out before even picking up the mic, Joanne. You have to do the work to be the star.
We are all allowed to grow and change, and even make compromises for the sake of the relationships we’re in. Work can take a back seat to your personal life, for example. But a relationship should leave room for both people to be who they are, without having to reshape themselves around the other. What has Noah given up to be in this relationship? Where has he made compromises? The show paints him as a person with literally no flaws, while Joanne has to do a 180 for their relationship to work.
Joanne seems to be playing a role this season, becoming a version of herself she thinks will appeal to Noah’s family and professional world. If she eventually reckons with what she has lost in the process, that could make for an interesting season 4. Otherwise, it’s all a bit bleak.