In Honor of the Sports Equinox, Here’s Our Ranking of All 139 Big Five Franchises

Welcome to the greatest single day in sports—the last Monday in October, the only day of the year on which each of the Big Four leagues is in action. It’s widely known as the Sports Equinox, but we prefer to call it the Sports Syzygy. (Syzygy is the alignment of three or more celestial bodies, and it’s also fun to say. It’s pronounced si-zuh-jee.) 

This year it’s even better; because of the midseason break for the FIBA World Cup, the WNBA is still rolling on. Game 5 of the Finals is Monday night, along with Game 3 of the World Series, the standard Monday Night Football matchup and light slates of games in the NBA and NHL. In total, there are 15 games being played across the five leagues on October 26: one MLB, one NFL, nine NBA, three NHL and 1 WNBA.

How are we celebrating this blessed occasion? By doing something stupid that celebrates the things we love: talking sports and making dumb lists. Yes, in the spirit of “Could Batman beat up Superman?” we’re ranking all 139 franchises in those five leagues. Without further ado, may we present the First (and Probably Last) Annual Sports Illustrated Fall Ball Catch-All Power Rankings.

139. Colorado Rockies

They’re bad (four straight 100-loss seasons) and they’re confounding: They hit more homers on the road in 2026 than at Coors. How is that possible? Is it a good sign? It makes my head hurt.

138. Miami Dolphins

I think the members of the 2017 Browns and 2008 Lions should get together and pop champagne when the Dolphins finally win a game, if only to show how stupid that whole tradition is.

137. Sacramento Kings

ESPN launched a documentary earlier this month about Ben Simmons’ comeback. A couple hours later he blew out his Achilles. Very on-brand for Sacramento.

136. Los Angeles Kings

At least they’re not the worst Kings.

135. Los Angeles Angels

Somehow this dumpster fire is being sold for the highest valuation in MLB history: $4 billion.

134. Los Angeles Chargers

Tough run for L.A. here. Not a good time to be OC Mike McDaniel.

133. Seattle Storm

Bad news: They set the record for most losses in a WNBA season (36). Good news: They didn’t come close to breaking the record for worst losing percentage.

132. Connecticut Sun

Gave their fans quite the send-off before moving to Houston for next season, losing eight of their last 10.

131. Brooklyn Nets

The most interesting thing about them is that they now have a Mikel Jr. (Brown) to go with their Michael Jr. (Porter). It’s not too late to make a deal for Mike Conley Jr.

130. Indianapolis Colts

Never a good sign when you fire your GM this early in the season.

129. Tennessee Titans

Never a good sign when you beat a team and their reaction is to fire their GM this early in the season.

128. Philadelphia Flyers

I’m not a hockey expert, but I am pretty sure that losing your first nine games is bad.

127. Vancouver Canucks

Their GM told their players before the season, “What you've signed up for here is almost impossible.” Unless they signed up for losing nine in a row, in which case it was quite possible.

126. Milwaukee Bucks

Going from three Antetokounmpos to zero can’t be easy on anyone except the guy who sews names onto jerseys.

125. New York Jets

I wrote this Friday: “Tough to get a read on them. Beat two bad teams, lost to four good ones. Season could go either way. I’m going to assume the worst.” Then they lost to the winless Dolphins. Score one for me.

124. Not-Oakland Athletics

They were 36–38 and a half-game out of first on June 19, then they wilted in the West Sacramento summer sun. Thank god the Vegas stadium has AC.

123. San Francisco Giants

Maybe there’s a reason major league teams never hire a college coach to be manager.

122. New Orleans Saints

The Saints aren’t exactly killing it on the ground. They had 18 yards on 17 carries in France, the worst single-game average since 2017 (for a minimum of 15 attempts). They also have three of the 13 worst single-game averages this year.

121. Philadelphia Eagles

And here we begin our “injured quarterback” section, starting with the most serious and potentially litigable case: Jalen Hurts.

120. Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Not to make light of Baker Mayfield’s thumb injury (I’m very fond of him), but if you watch the video of the play where he gets hurt and imagine the Benny Hill theme playing, it’ll brighten up your day. He looked fine Sunday (the Bucs didn’t throw much), and that could be enough to win the NFC South.

119. Washington Commanders

Jayden Daniels is healthy now, but the team’s only win came when he was out and he appears to have forgotten how and when to get rid of the ball.

118. Detroit Red Wings

Dylan Larkin is being a little precious with the list of teams he’ll accept a trade to. But the Wings have missed the playoffs in 10 of his 11 seasons, which is incredibly hard to do.

117. Calgary Flames

I will miss the Saddledome. I’ve never been there, but I approve of arenas built to resemble things.

116. Toronto Tempo

I don’t care for that nickname at all.

115. New Orleans Pelicans

Great nickname, terrible logo. Give me a 1970s cartoonish bird, not a deranged toucan.

114. Chicago Bulls

The Bulls’ 43-point opening night loss to the Raptors was the fourth-worst in NBA history. (More history to come shortly.)

113. Kansas City Royals

Their best pitcher is probably their first baseman, Joc Caglianone. Turn him loose!

112. Cincinnati Reds

Ke’Bryan Hayes had an OPS+ of 17(!). That’s the ninth-worst ever for a player with at least 240 plate appearances. Here’s the wild part. Of the eight seasons worse, four were put up by early 20th century catcher Bill Bergen, including one season of -4.

111. New York Mets

The most exciting thing about this team’s future is waiting to see if Juan Soto will opt out of his mega-deal in 2029. The Mets can negate the opt-out by adding $4 million to his annual $51 million salary. So many chances for drama. I’ll tell you this: Whatever happens, the Mets will get it wrong.

110. Chicago Blackhawks

They’ve given up less than three goals once in 10 games this year.

109. Columbus Blue Jackets

The Jackets went seven games without winning in regulation and then beat the Golden Knights. Hockey makes no sense, man.

108. Arizona Cardinals

Jeremiyah Love was supposed to transform the ground game, but the Cards are averaging 3.7 yards per carry, down from 4.3 last year.

107. St. Louis Cardinals

For all the talk about how the Cardinals have the best, most loyal fans in sports—they’ve been 11th in NL attendance (around 2.2 million) each of the past two (sub-.500) seasons, down from 3.2 million in 2022 when they won the division.

106. Pittsburgh Penguins

Kudos to them for letting Sidney Crosby, Kris Letang and Evgeni Malkin play together for the 21st straight season. Not so many kudos for the results.

105. Seattle Mariners

Of all the players who hit 50 homers in a season, the only one with a bigger drop-off than Cal Raleigh (who went from 60 to 23) was Hack Wilson, who went from 56 in 1930 to 13 the next year. Wilson was 5’6”, weighed 200 pounds and was described by Shirley Povich as being shaped like a “beer keg.” So, also a big dumper.

104. Atlanta Falcons

Bijan Robinson’s dijon mustard is really, really good.

103. Phoenix Mercury

They bought out DeWanna Bonner in the middle of the season so she could chase a ring in Atlanta. Nice touch. Of course, they did it because they were already eliminated from playoff contention.

102. Chicago Sky

How’s that Angel Reese trade working out for all parties?

101. Washington Wizards

We didn’t get to see AJ Dybantsa play on opening night, but we did get to see Britt McHenry throw a drink (and maybe a hamburger) at some fans. That’s a wash in my book.

100. Charlotte Hornets

Look, NBA teams rely too much on three-pointers. But if you’re going to live by the three, go all-in, and the Hornets do. They made the fourth-most treys in NBA history last season and they chucked one three per minute in their opener. 

99. Los Angeles Sparks

They’re rebuilding a rebuild at this point.

98. Portland Fire

So many WNBA teams with fire-related nicknames.

97. Los Angeles Clippers

Speaking of L.A. rebuilds: The Clippers were the league’s oldest team last season, and now they have no first-round picks for five years starting in 2029. Gonna be an interesting few years.

96. Memphis Grizzlies

It’s not always a good thing when you have a player who’s considered a lock for Rookie of the Year, as Cameron Boozer is. That means he’s going to have big numbers, which means you’re going to have to rely on someone with no experience, which is hardly a winning formula.

95. Dallas Cowboys

Brian Schottenheimer recently said, “I know what a great coach I am.” Sounds like he has himself listed as a reference on his own résumé, which he might need pretty soon.

94. Detroit Tigers

Perhaps they will raise a Pythagorean pennant next year after having the best expected W-L% in the AL Central while finishing fourth.

93. Golden State Warriors

Friendly advice to Yaxel Lendeborg: Slow your roll.

92. Nashville Predators

Fans should be allowed to noodle the catfish in the tank at Bridgestone Arena.

91. Buffalo Sabres

They sell beer served in plastic swords. Otherwise they’d be ranked somewhere in the 100s.

90. Washington Nationals

I’d like to have a word with CJ Abrams about the ending of Lost. Oh, wait. That’s JJ. Never mind.

89. Montreal Canadiens

Every NHL game should be played outdoors, especially ones  in Winnipeg when it’s cold.

The wheels are coming off the wagon. It’s not Kirk Cousins’s fault, but when do the Raiders just turn the whole thing over to Fernando Mendoza?

87. St. Louis Blues

Robert Thomas is probably the best player in any of the leagues in these rankings who shares a name with a musician who was big in the 90s. Ironically, his closest competition is likely Carlos Santana, but he’s in the minors. Smooth.

86. Toronto Maple Leafs

Gavin McKenna, who is 18 and has played 12 games, is already the second-leading career goal scorer among NHL players born in Yukon.

85. Minnesota Twins

If Byron Buxton could stay healthy, they’d be in the mix to win the Central every year. If.

84. New York Islanders

Reigning rookie of the year Matt Schaefer has one goal and eight assists. He’s got a ways to go if he wants to eclipse the highest assist-to-goal ratio in league history: It’s 39-to-1, which has been done twice. Still, eight assists in 10 games is not shabby.

83. Dallas Mavericks

Cooper Flagg will fill up stat sheets, and Dallas will lose 50 games.

82. Phoenix Suns

Every team should have an alternate jersey with their airport code on it like PHX used to wear. The Bulls’ ORD would be a banger.

81. Utah Jazz

They should be a fun watch (offensive firepower, bad transition D), but they’re docked a few spots for the whole “being so obvious about tanking that they got fined for it” thing.

80. Baltimore Orioles

You know if Pete Alonso had stayed with the Mets he’d be in an air cast right now.

79. Carolina Panthers

Carolina is the only team in the NFC South that’s not under .500, but they didn’t look like the best team in the division Sunday.

78. Los Angeles Rams

In case you’re wondering, the worst record by a team that entered the season with the shortest Super Bowl odds belongs to the 2024 49ers, who went 6–11. Something to keep an eye on.

77. Miami Marlins

Props to the Marlins for not doing the stupid thing—trading Otto Lopez (under club control for three more years) for prospects. That guy is exciting.

76. San Jose Sharks

Hearing the name Macklin Celebrini brings to mind FBI Special Agent Burt Macklin, which brings a smile to my face.

75. Toronto Blue Jays

How did Vlad Guerrero and Ernie Clement (combined 2.2 WAR) make the All-Star team? If they’d played like All-Stars, Toronto would have been in the AL playoff mix.

74. Houston Astros

Cheaters.

73. Washington Capitals

Ovi will retire after the season and we’ll find out he’s been in deep cover for years like Matthew Rhys on The Americans.

72. Anaheim Ducks

Snapping a five-game losing streak is nice and all, but doing it against the Flyers barely counts.

71. Winnipeg Jets

Like Dylan Larkin, Connor Hellebuyck demanded a trade but refused to go to a Canadian team. The league needs to do something about the well-being of our neighbors to the north. Like what? I have no idea.

70. Atlanta Hawks

And here we are, at the exact midpoint. As Dan Egan from Veep would say, the medi-est of the ocre. That’s the Hawks, who are 206–204 over the past five seasons and seem like a solid bet to be in 41-win range this year. Perfectly cromulent.

69. New York Giants

They still haven’t beaten a team with a winning record. That half-game they picked up when the Commanders blew the end of their game might come in very handy.

68. Cleveland Browns

They’re in first place but are pretty clearly the fourth-best team in the division. Give it time.

67. Baltimore Ravens

Maybe not so clearly. The offense clearly misses Lamar, but what’s with the defense giving up 35 unanswered in the second half?

66. Orlando Magic

It wasn’t that long ago that new coach Sean Sweeney was coaching at someplace called Anoka Ramsey Community College. He seems like a good fit for a sneaky-talented roster.

65. Indiana Pacers

Imagine how much better the Pacers would be if, in addition to welcoming back Tyrese Haliburton, they had landed a top-four pick in the lottery. Instead, because it landed between five and nine it went to the Clippers. (Trades are confusing, man.)

64. Dallas Stars

Since shipping four on opening night, the Stars have allowed 13 goals in nine games.

63. Seattle Kraken

Through 11 games, the Kraken have no one with more than six goals, but a total of 16 players have lit the lamp, and the team is sixth in the league in scoring.

62. Houston Texans

To: Houston. From: Me. Re: Cover jinx. Sorry. Regards, MB

61. New Jersey Devils

Nothing shores up a middle-of-the-pack defense like adding the best goalie in the world (Hellebuyck).

60. Portland Trail Blazers

O.K., back to the opening night blowouts. (Also, where’s the parity talk now?) Portland beat Phoenix by 41 last Wednesday. While that’s the seventh-biggest margin of victory in an opener, it’s not even the biggest between the teams. Nine years ago Portland torched the Suns by 47, the biggest first-game margin ever.

59. Texas Rangers

As a Vandy alum/apologist, I hold out hope that the Jack Leiter/Kumar Rocker tandem will thrive in a weak division.

58. New York Rangers

New York has already won nearly half as many games at the Garden (six) as it did last year (14).

57. Florida Panthers

By starting 6' 9" Cooper Black in goal last week, the Panthers are moving closer towards the strategy that every dumb guy in a bar espouses: Just find a goalie who can block the whole goal. A strategy which I confess I have espoused.

56. Ottawa Senators

After trading disgruntled captain Brady Tkachuk (is anyone in the NHL happy?) to the Panthers, Ottawa dunked on Florida last week, winning 5–1. Tkachuk scored Florida’s only goal, but no one in Ottawa seemed to care.

55. Dallas Wings

After giving the Valkyries a lot to think about in the playoffs, the Wings will finally move out of their Arlington-based bandbox next year. Things are looking up.

54. New York Liberty

There are few things better in sports than watching Sabrina Ionescu respond when her teammates or coaches swear in press conferences.

53. Green Bay Packers

Things will get even more interesting when Micah Parsons returns to a top-10 defense that is doing a good job pressuring the QB.

52. Los Angeles Lakers

Walker Kessler made 18 of his first 19 shots as a Laker and has 15 dunks in two games. He seems to have found his role.

51. Minnesota Timberwolves

LaMelo Ball admitted his girlfriend does all the diaper-changing for their son, LaOne. Not LaCool.

50. Miami Heat

The big question in Miami: Did the Heat give up too much to get Giannis? Early returns suggest it’s a strong maybe.

49. Washington Mystics

They have an interesting nickname for themselves, but as a 55-year-old man I’m going to tell you to just google it yourselves.

48. Pittsburgh Pirates

Lost in the discussion of what’s wrong with Paul Skenes was the fact that Bubba Chandler had the second-best season in MLB history (by WAR) by a pitcher named Bubba. Bubba Church, he’s coming for you.

47. Arizona Diamondbacks

Zac Gallen was the team’s highest-paid pitcher and had the majors’ third-worst WAR for a pitcher. And Arizona still only missed the playoffs by two games.

46. Boston Red Sox

Such an up-and-down few years for this team. Losing free agent Sonny Gray would likely put them back on the “down” cycle.

45. Chicago Bears

Da Bears scratched out two wins in three games without Caleb Williams, who has been fantastic since returning.

44. Detroit Lions

The hope was that the Lions would use their bye week to shore up their porous defense. It worked out pretty well, as Detroit kept Jordan Love and the Packers under control.

43. Minnesota Wild

Let’s see how another formerly disgruntled player who made a move is doing. After Quinn Hughes made it clear he wouldn’t re-sign with the Canucks, Vancouver traded its captain to Minnesota during last season. He made his return Sunday. Before the game he said he didn’t “know what to expect.” Oh, but we did: “Quinn Hughes sucks” chants from the opening faceoff. No matter, he had a goal and an assist in a 4–1 win.

42. Seattle Seahawks

After an up-and-down start, the champs could really use a boost on the ground. So having to delay the return of Zach Charbonnet is not a good sign.

41. Denver Nuggets

Going by John Hollinger’s game score stat, Nikola Jokic had his worst outing in seven years (5.4) against the Thunder. Even worse: Jamal Murray was -1.7. That’s not good.

40. Toronto Raptors

Let’s check in on my favorite player, Jaden Bradley. Why him? I’m fascinated by the fact that out of 30 second-round picks in 2026, the Raptors were the only team that didn’t trade theirs either before or right after the draft. They took Bradley. So far: 5 minutes, 1 turnover, 2 fouls.

39. Colorado Avalanche

Finally, a hockey player who’s not disgruntled! Cale Makar is flat-out gruntled: He’s now the highest-paid player in the league—and he’s playing like he deserves to be.

38. Chicago White Sox

The Sox could be dangerous for a while. They were only the second team since 2001 to have three players 26 or younger hit at least 30 homers.

37. Philadelphia Phillies

Shoutout to longtime baseball scribe Tyler Kepner, who with his brother, Hoag (who directed), created a just-released biopic about the Phillie Phanatic.

36. Pittsburgh Steelers

The Steelers QB room showed up to their game in Paris decked out in Peaky Blinders outfits. Aaron Rodgers must not believe in the globe. 

35. Denver Broncos

Yes, Bo Nix is having a terrible season. But Denver’s only losses are to the defending Super Bowl champs and the Chiefs. We’ll see how far the defense can take them.

34. Detroit Pistons

The Pistons looked good and balanced in their comeback win over the Celtics, not relying too much on Cade Cunningham. But the rubber will meet the road in the playoffs, when their big dog will have to run. And he kind of jogged last year.

33. Chicago Cubs

Don’t know what’s more interesting about Pete Crow-Armstrong—his absurd 9.8-WAR season, or the fact that his parents are actors who met on the set of a TV show called Turks, which was about Irish cops.

32. Houston Rockets

Houston turned the ball over a ton last year. Enter—or re-enter—Fred VanVleet. The point guard, who missed all of last season, made his return last Thursday and had 11 assists and no turnovers. Could be just what the Rockets need.

31. New England Patriots

The result wasn’t ideal, but in the Pats’ loss to the Bears last Thursday, Drake Maye had his fourth straight game with a QBR of better than 97—after not coming anywhere near that mark in the first three weeks.

30. Tampa Bay Lightning

Give it up for Nikita Kucherov, who passed Steven Stamkos to become the franchise’s all-time leading scorer Saturday (in 192 fewer games). Also, if you live in Tampa, the chance your home will be struck by lightning is 1 in 200. I don’t like those odds.

29. Cincinnati Bengals

Should the Bengals move for Jonathan Taylor? After another meh Chase Brown game in Sunday’s rout of Baltimore, it looks like it might be the thing to push Cincy over the top.

28. San Diego Padres

This is a very talented team that is suddenly pretty old. The window is closing. Watch your fingers.

27. Boston Celtics

Paul George scoring 38 in his C’s debut makes the Jaylen Brown trade look less bad, but let’s not forget about a side effect of that deal: LeBron almost certainly doesn’t go to their division rivals if Brown isn’t there.

26. Utah Mammoth

The dictionary tells us that the plural of woolly mammoth is woolly mammoths. This team should be the Mammoths. I can’t abide bad grammar.

25. New York Yankees

I know the playoffs are interminable now, but during the Yankees’ title drought from 1978–96, they only made the postseason three times. They weren’t good. In their current 17-year drought, they’ve made the playoffs 13 times (and only gotten as far as the World Series once). At some point, they have to start winning in October.

24. Indiana Fever

Things continue to be toxic in what I’m sure the league would love to be one of its leading (and feel-good) markets.

23. Las Vegas Golden Knights

They’ve been outscored 14–5 during their three-game losing streak and they can’t stop conceding power-play goals. Also, when you have a chance to have an actual person in shining armor as your mascot and you opt for a gila monster instead, you’re not thinking straight.

22. Jacksonville Jaguars

I want to believe the Jags have cracked the Travis Hunter usage code. He seems like a good hang, and throwing him out there on offense in high-leverage situations while letting him focus primarily on playing defense seems to be working.

21. Atlanta Braves

I was wondering where Chris Sale’s 159 wins would rank among Hall of Fame starters. (Third fewest.) The guy with the least is Candy Cummings, who only pitched six seasons in the 19th century and had 145 wins. One year he had four walks in 416 innings. What does that have to do with the Braves? I don’t know. You try writing relevant blurbs about 139 teams.

20. Cleveland Cavaliers

The most recent LeBron reunion did not go well. The Cavs had the rare 99% win probability L against the 76ers, exposing just how shallow Cleveland’s bench is.

19. Cleveland Guardians

Long-suffering Cleveland fan here. Very predictable to see the Guards crash out of the ALCS thanks to homers by two players (Yandy Diaz and Junior Caminero) they gave up on. I suppose that’s better than the other outcome: make it to the World Series and get owned by another slugger they had but let go of: Jake Bauers.

18. Las Vegas Aces

I wish Becky Hammon’s hoodie/blazer look was a thing back when I actually tried to dress nicely.

17. Boston Bruins

Goalie Jeremy Swayman has ridiculous numbers (1.98 GAA, .928 save percentage), but his backup, Michael DiPietro (1.69, .941), has been even better. 

16. Minnesota Lynx

Minnesota made the wrong kind of playoff history, becoming the WNBA’s first No. 1 seed to lose to a No. 8 seed. And the Lynx got swept, to boot.

15. Los Angeles Dodgers

The Dodgers won 100 games with a bunch of hurt pitchers, then got all of them (well, almost) back for the playoffs—this after adding Tarik Skubal. And they somehow got swept.

14. New York Knicks

Like so many of the top teams in the East, the Knicks are set up for the postseason, when things get intense and rotations shorten. It could be a ho-hum regular season, but New York coasted through the playoffs as a three-seed.

13. Edmonton Oilers

Connor McDavid is on pace for 260 points. Pretty sure that’d be some kind of record.

12. Buffalo Bills

Is there a more fun team? The Bills have scored 30 in four of six games and given up 30 four times (plus a 29er). 

11. Minnesota Vikings

The good ones win ugly, and with Kyler Murray under center that’s going to happen a lot. But with a defense giving up barely 12 points a game, they can afford that.

10. Philadelphia 76ers

Someone look this up for me: Has LeBron ever had a game where he’s played five minutes at every position? I think we will see a Bert Campaneris performance from him this season. His ability to play anywhere is going to make Philly a very hard out in the playoffs.

9. San Francisco 49ers

Nothing they do this year—even winning the Super Bowl, which shouldn’t surprise anyone—will be as interesting as the EMF/substation/injury theory. Who knew Bay Area folks were such conspiracy theorists?

8. Golden State Valkyries

They don’t always win pretty: The Valkyries were last in the league in field goal percentage and first in field goal D—meaning they and their opponents combined to shoot 41.8% from the floor. (The league as a whole shot 45.2%.) But it’s working.

7. Carolina Hurricanes

Bonus points for having the most jacked coach on the list, Rod Brind’Amour. I don’t think fans would chant for many other coaches to “take it off” during a championship parade like Rod the Bod did.

6. Atlanta Dream

In the Finals at least, as Angel Reese goes, so go the Dream. Never good to rely so much on one person.

5. San Antonio Spurs

Wemby is a given. The backcourt isn’t. There’s talent, but per NBA.com, De’Aaron Fox, Stephon Castle and Dylan Harper hardly played together last year and stunk up the joint as a unit when they did. But Mitch Johnson is starting the season with those three on the floor, and they looked pretty good last week against the Thunder, who won largely because Wemby was 1 for 13 from the floor.

4. Oklahoma City Thunder

Sam Presti has so many draft picks he should just waste one on a gimmick. The Hawks once drafted their coach’s newborn baby. The Sixers took a pharmacist named Norman Horvitz. The Lakers tried to select Scooby Doo. Come on, Sam. You got no roster space anyway.

3. Tampa Bay Rays

Count out the Rays at your own peril. They can beat you in so many ways.

2.  Kansas City Chiefs

The Chiefs haven’t been better than 16th in rushing yards since 2017. Now they’re first. That Kenneth Walker III signing was not bad.

1. Milwaukee Brewers

The best condiment there is in all of sports is Milwaukee’s Secret Stadium Sauce. If you pair it with Cleveland Stadium Mustard you will have the greatest sausage experience of your life. Also, the Crew is on its way to its first World Series title, so they should probably take the top spot.