Cultivating the art of tuning into people: Peter Harrington

Who is the most important person in your world? As a seasoned entrepreneur, this was my opening question to an audience attending the York Business Festival this month.

The festival organisers had asked me to talk about finding work in uncertain times. My question and the ensuing discussion helped to demonstrate how a basic understanding of behaviour can improve anyone’s job chances and increase startup business survival rates.

Having sold millions of pounds of products and services throughout my 37 years in business, I feel I have a sound grasp of sales. Successful selling requires us to build meaningful connections with potential employers or customers. It’s also about knowing people are most interested in their own problems and how they can be solved.

Building connection means doing research, asking good questions and listening. If we fail to understand problems, any attempt to sell ourselves or a product, is just guesswork.

Over the years I’ve also learnt how people are naturally drawn to those who take the time to show genuine interest. Subject curiosity has also led me to psychologist and bestselling influence author, Robert Cialdini. Reading about his work and research, I’ve discovered we are more likely to be persuaded by people we like, and those who give first and/or reciprocate.

But what makes us like people? Neurological evidence shows our brain’s reward centre is activated when we interact with someone who does something for us. Doing something for others can be as simple as showing an interest by asking thoughtful questions and listening to answers.

When people are asked questions, their brain’s dopamine levels typically rise, and consequently they feel more motivated, happy, and energised. Yet in many interview and sales situations, people selling themselves are consumed by their own thoughts. Curiosity, use of questions and listening to answers are relegated and replaced by a need to talk and demonstrate what is assumed others want to hear.

People enjoy talking because it provides a sense of social control. To answer my opening question, we like to talk about ourselves because we are the most important person in our own world. But when communicating with others, it is easy to forget they feel the same way.

Whilst each individual is the most important person in their own world, social selfishness gets us nowhere. Have you ever looked forward to Christmas and spending time with the festive bore who loves the sound of their own voice? Effective communication requires us to question and listen as much as we talk. This process helps us to tune in and empathise with others.

In so doing, we also subliminally communicate we are a team-player; an invaluable workplace trait. Tuning into people in professional settings means doing advance research so informed questions can be asked and explored at the appropriate time. And when asking questions, it’s possible to listen, learn and steadily relax as the rapport and trusted connection builds.

Creating these circumstances requires practice and ideally support from a critical friend. But through practice, a key skill is developed that, crucially, AI cannot mimic. And the people who develop that skill, and use it to build meaningful connections, are the ones who find work fastest.

Peter Harrington is CEO and co-founder at SimVenture.