Moms, Daughters, and the Sisterhood of the “Right-Sized” Pants

A young woman’s first year of college is an exciting time full of new experiences, new friends, and new independence. Naturally, parents want this to be a meaningful and memorable moment in their student’s transition to early adulthood. And during the fall semester, many prospective students are touring their campuses and considering whether they will join a sorority—the process known as “Rush.” Media reports highlight parents becoming heavily invested in helping their daughters gain membership into their desired sorority. There is even a thriving industry of sorority “rush consultants” who promise to help young ladies receive bids from the campus groups they desire—for a fee.

What types of memories and connections do we want them to make?

Recent news headlines have reignited conversations on the toxic culture and extreme behaviors that membership in Greek life can entail. Although much of the recent attention has focused on fraternities and sexual assault, sororities often have their own toxic cultures, especially around the topics of physical appearance and food restriction.

For example, we know that sorority membership affects women’s BMI; sorority members have lower BMIs than non-sorority members (Doney et al., 2023). Women who participate in rush tend to engage in more self-objectification and have more disordered eating behaviors than women who do not (Rolnik et al., 2010) and both tendencies are well-known correlates of negative body image. Additionally, sorority sisters report a heavy focus on, and pressures around, physical appearance and compliance with unrealistic beauty ideals. These pressures are felt especially strongly when wearing clothing that associates them with their group (Skubisz et al., 2023).

Conformity pressures and group membership

Group influence is powerful and can encourage behaviors that would otherwise be unthinkable to an individual. At the heart of a group’s influence is a process known as deindividuation, a psychological state in which people temporarily lose sight of their personal beliefs and principles because they feel immersed in the group. This idea has been around a long time (e.g., Le Bon, 1895), although the term was first coined in 1952 (Festinger et al., 1952). Well-known experiments (e.g., Milgram, 1974; Burger, 2009) have taught us that it is crucial to choose one’s group membership wisely; otherwise, people may find themselves behaving in ways that are at odds with their true values.

Is sorority membership a bad idea?

Not necessarily! Parents understandably want their children to find belongingness in their new environments, and sororities can offer this social connection. Overall, students affiliated with Greek life report less loneliness and greater feelings of belonging than students who are not (Reeves-Doyle et al., 2026). This important benefit of sorority membership may be seen as worth the risk of exposure to some harmful social norms.

Not all young women are equally connected within the sisterhood, however. Prochnow and colleagues (2021) found that the level of social connectedness within a sorority is an important consideration—and that sorority sisters who are less close and connected within the sisterhood are more vulnerable to body dissatisfaction than those who are more deeply connected within the group. So, if a young woman doesn't make deep and meaningful connections in her sisterhood, the belonging benefit may not be worth the risk of the toxic appearance culture after all.

What's a mom to do?

Even though your daughter is now at her university building a new social network, she still needs you, but perhaps in a way you haven’t considered. Your daughter is a young adult now and doesn't need your direct intervention in her social life (e.g., helping her seek a particular group membership because you found belongingness in that group). Instead, she needs you to model critical-thinking skills and a strong commitment to prioritizing what is best for one's personal mental and physical health, even when that is not the most popular choice.

In our book, Beyond Body Positive: A Mother’s Science-Based Guide for Helping Girls Build a Healthy Body Image (2024), we discuss a great deal of research suggesting that a daughter’s body image is built through social interactions, and that moms have an enduring influence in their daughters’ thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

We can help our daughters make healthy choices about the groups they join by asking them questions rather than outright saying "No" or "Yes" to membership. For example, we can ask her what she is looking for in a group and why. We can ask how a group embodies her own values and priorities. We can help her reason through her decisions by playing a supportive role, rather than a directive one.

The mother-daughter relationship is the partnership of a lifetime. Maintaining healthy body image in a heavily appearance-focused culture will require self-awareness, agency, intentionality, and commitment to personal health. Moms can model these behaviors for their daughters' pursuit of truly healthy and fulfilling sisterhood.

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